Valentine's Day Reinforces Toxic Relationship Standards

Valentine's Day is known for being the day of love, complete with gifts, displays of affection, and grand gestures. Although in theory, this sounds great, that is rarely how it plays out. The only thing that this holiday creates is an artificial standard of romance and unnecessary pressure on an otherwise perfectly happy relationship. 

The only thing that Valentine’s Day does is reinforce the idea that love must be demonstrated through purchases and money spent. It is common to think that on that day your partner must give you chocolates, flowers, or jewelry; they may even have a date planned, which of course is a lovely thought. However, it is often not something made out of love or care for a partner, but rather out of  responsibility and pressure to perform. Valentine's Day is one of the most commercialized holidays, following closely behind Christmas, for this very reason. Anything less than this is often seen as less valid or romantic due to the fact that it has become so normalized to expect this; we live in a world where money is the main component of most decisions and this holiday is no exception. It does not make someone vain to expect this, seeing as it is so normalized but it does lead to the next big problem with this holiday: comparison and disappointment.

Nowadays, due to social media, we have a full view of other people's lives, and on holidays such as this people tend to post more and show off their “love” for each other, measured in the amount of gifts they have gotten. This leads to comparisons between relationships, even subconsciously, which can be harmful. The problem with seeing posts like these is that it pressures couples to showcase their affection publicly, ignoring personal relationship dynamics and diversity in love languages. Valentine’s Day becomes a sort of performance to other people, but also to individuals in the relationship itself. It has become a day that's not quite personal and instead focused on giving physical objects as a demonstration of love, which is obviously not sustainable. Rather than being a day to celebrate the love between a couple it has become a day that pressures couples to “prove” their love to one another. In regards to comparison, unmet expectations can lead to tension or arguments due to the fact that one or both partners may feel that they have failed to meet societal or personal standards. 

Valentine’s Day pushes the idea that love must be big and performative, which is not even what the holiday is about! The holiday should be focused only on celebrating the connection, love, and admiration for your partner. Not in the gifts and performances. Love should be celebrated every day, and if your relationship is healthy enough you shouldn't need a single day to, once again, “prove” your love. This holiday is also only centered on romantic love, when in reality love takes all sorts of different shapes and forms. The love of your spouse or partner is not the only love that should be celebrated. The care and love of a friendship can be as intimate as a romantic one, and in many cases even more. Of course, there are things like “Galentines” which is a similar concept, but just doesn’t hold quite the same power that Valentine’s Day does, diminishing the effects of the love a friendship can give. Additionally, the pressure of the day usually falls onto only one person in the relationship, and for any healthy relationship to work both parties must be equally invested. 

It is not necessarily that Valentine’s Day is a bad holiday that should be ignored or discarded. However, people should refocus the attention of the holiday to the things that really matter, like genuine care for your partner and a day to celebrate the person that you love, without being defined by gifts and big displays. Although it is a very sweet idea and it has the potential to be a great holiday, it can cause too much strain in the relationship. With that being said, if it is a mutual choice between the people in a relationship, and they decide on a date or an outing together and truly dedicate it to simply being together and just spending time with one another, then by all means, enjoy yourself. But it is not a necessary holiday, as it, in most cases, just causes too much unnecessary pressure and stress in a relationship.